I just watched the last episode of the first season of My Mad Fat Diary. I bawled my eyes out, and then I got up and had a shower, and bawled my eyes out there too. It sort of felt good to cry, until I started choking on my tears, and all the pain just made me feel awful. A lot of the things that had me in tears simply cannot be changed.
After watching Episodes 4,5 and 6 I firstly relate a lot with Rae, and secondly empathise with her in every way. The thing is, I’ve struggled with the kind of sadness that makes you want to walk into the middle of a busy street. I’ve considered what it would take to end all the pain, and despair but I’m too lazy to kill myself, too proud to fail at it, and too afraid to succeed. I have also considered the pain and suffering my family would have to endure. It’s not worth it. Sure I can think of a lot of reasons to quit, but honestly the hope that things might get better (and the reality that they have been better) keeps me in the race.
I get hell of tired of a lot, and know that people fail, things don’t work, and that life can royally suck, but if I’m still here there must be a reason, I just have to be strong/brave enough to find out why. Everyone can relate to that can’t they? 🙂